Hi again, Pams girl, . . . I was your first poster last night (for me). I'm from CHCH New Zealand . . . "shakeytown" right now.
It was late at night when i first replied . . . but do you recall the very first line I wrote? . . .
Hi Pams girl, Your at a good place . . . lot's on here will have "been there" . . .you'll see.
I've only been using this site for a short time myself . . . a few months . . . but such was my confidence in the folks here from my own experience . . . they are by and large a great bunch of lovely caring people as your already finding.
Shared experience is what brings us together and the poster who suggested your "getting off lightly" was spot on. Many here have given decades to that Organisation . . . thier best years . . . Many here still endure the heartbreak of severed family relationships even after many decades . . . children who no longer speak to them etc. Some are even living a sham life as "JW's" for the sole purpose of remaining in contact with thier loved ones.
I'm not saying this to minimise your situation . . . nobody really gets off lightly with that lot . . . I'm saying it to let you know what a heartless, loveless DANGEROUS CULT this Organisation most certainly is.
I personally served as a witness in a variety of capacaties for 23 years. My witness years came to an end when I suffered a reasonably severe mental breakdown. I "fled" my house and never stopped driving (except for gas) for 4 days . . . eventually got pulled from a ravine more dead than alive . . . It was far and away the most frightening experience of my life (and I've just been through 2 major earthquakes in the last 6 months) . . . and it's taken 6 more years to recover to the point I am now . . . med-free and back in control of my life. The price has been high . . . the first 3 months were just one big full-on panic attack 24/7 . . . nothing seemed to work and I was in and out of Hospital in abject fear of some unseen enemy that did not even exist. I became a total stranger to my three teenage sons for most of those years and missed a huge part of thier life . . . but we're getting on top of that now.
When I read of your mental health struggles I felt real fear for you. You must give your absolute attention to protecting yourself here . . . talk to Hubby and get the help you need . . . your a health professional yourself and I'm sure you will . . . WT World is way out of touch in this area . . . I 've lost 12 friends to suicide over the years . . . and stood near that "door" myself.
Something which may cause you anxiety is the impending "spiritual void" which can envelop you . . . that "What is the truth? . . . What do I believe now? . . . What about Armageddon? . . . What about the Bible?" feeling . . . after all, like the rest of us, you've given yourself the opportunity to hope for a better future . . . and that might all seem dashed now.
Please be assured . . . the WT do not have a monopoly on Bible "truth" . . . far from it . . . WT interpretation in key areas is mostly clever mind-control bullshit . . . designed to induce fear, guilt and unquestioning obedience for thier own purposes. It took a while, but i now feel I enjoy a closer personal relationship with Christ that at any other time in my life . . . and I am not affiliated with any religious group.
WT indoctrination leaves us feeling that all "truth" is knowable and must be "known" for salvation . . . not so. That void is fillable if your faith is something you wish to maintain in the future . . . and the Bible still has great advice on how we might walk life's journey. It's healthy to "allow place for the unknown" and remain free-minded.
Not all here share this view . . . some are very skeptical . . . others openly confess atheism . . . but that's OK . . . we all respect each others right to determine what we believe for ourselves and are happy to exchange thoughts and ideas.
I noted you felt "unworthy" to be in God's house with your "faults" intact. I would suggest the opposite to be true . . . it ain't "God's house" for a start . . . more like a den of iniquity full of deception, hypocrisy, heartlessness, guilt and fear. THEY don't deserve the benefit of YOUR presence . . . from your expressions it is clear to see you are a good person . . . you ARE a good person.
Stick with us for a good while and you will even find there are some close by with whom you will have the opportunity to meet . . . this could be really helpful if you so choose.
I have some good material on Mental health issues among JW's and will PM my email address some time soon if your interested. . . plenty of time
Good luck
